3. Looking Back: Photo Diary

These are some pictures I took after the April 25 earthquake. They are not of the best quality (sorry about that) but they hold a lot of memories. I couldn't capture two most magical moments in my camera due of some circumstances. I will mention about them below (see extras).

Day I: The Doomsday

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1. People gathered around the BICC hall at Baneshwor. We were all afraid, we had no idea what was going on and we didn't know what to expect. The Worst Nightmare.


Day II: The Doomsday Continues

The worst day of my life. After all that happened in the previous day, all I could think about was earthquake and nothing else. The fear which I had never experienced before made its way to my head and I thought I was going insane. I hoped it was only a bad dream. I had never experienced anything that bitter. The 6.8 Richter scale aftershock left me absolutely helpless and out of my mind.

Day III: The things didn't get any better

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2. I went for a walk. I was proud of myself to have gotten myself out to the reality. I had heard about the famous Santinagar gate fall but I didn't know about the damage it caused. When I took the photo, I thought that was it. I went nearer. I saw blood and a child's shoe under a seat. I cried for the first time after the doomsday. I hope the child is okay.

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3. I saw a little ray of hope and felt a little stronger after I saw people helping each other and the first ones to help were The Red Cross Society. Thank You.

Day IV: In search of answers

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4. It was already the fourth day but I was still confused. No matter how much I believe that I don't believe in God. Deep inside I hoped behind all those trees, I could get few answers.

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5. It made me happy to see our Pashupatinath Temple, still standing tall and strong. What saddened me was there were no more than around 100 worshipers in the always so crowded temple. Two worst questions crossed my mind:
i) Are there no people left in the valley?
ii) Have people stopped believing in god?
I didn't feel one bit stupid as I feel right now to have asked the questions, that day.

Day V: Answer to one of the questions

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6. My first question was answered the fifth day when I saw people lining up to leave the valley. The government had announced to give fare-free service to the people outside of valley while it got sponsorship of over 500 buses. The line started from Baneshwor to almost Koteshwor and it was only 6:00 in the morning.


Day VI: Crazy little thing called Hope 

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7. Lighting diyo(s) for the safety of the family and in the name of the departed souls.
    (at Baglamukhi Temple)

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8. I wasn't sure whether a lot of people were leaving the valley or they were starting to feel safer inside the house. But it gave me strange happiness to see emptying BICC hall. My mind fooled me to believe that things are getting back to normal and everything is going to be alright.


Extras (I wasn't able to capture the following moments in the camera.)

i) There was a monkey inside the Pashupatinath temple and trust me, nothing screamed reassurance louder than a baby monkey eating a banana.

ii) There was a photojournalist outside the BICC hall. Apparently, a stray dog found the camera stand interesting. He was sniffing it when the photojournalist was kind enough to pet him.

2. The Aftermath

I live in a place relatively safer from earthquake compared to most of the affected areas in the country. I am thankful for it and I am also thankful that everyone I know are safe and are dealing with the whole situation so positively.

Even after all that has happened in this past 28 days, I had never really hated earthquake. Sure, earthquake has made me angry and irritated but I didn't hate it. I accepted it as the nature's way of doing things where all we can do is remain safe and help each other.

In these past few days I have been around many strangers. The people who live in my neighborhood. The ones I never had the opportunity to meet or know about until now. I would like to blame myself for not being social. 

One morning, after the 6.8/7.4 Richter scale aftershock, at around 4:00 in the morning, I heard a voice of a little girl, around seven of age whose name I had yet to learn. The innocent voice asked her mother why were the dogs barking and the birds chirping. I lost it then and there. I hated everything that was making the little girl afraid.

There was a lump of emotion building in my chest trying to make its way through my eyes and at that moment all I wanted to do was make everything stop, for the little child who isn't even sure what is happening. I wanted to make the dogs stop from barking, the birds from chirping and the land from shaking.

Like the earthquake that destroyed the houses, the child's question to her mother broke my heart into millions of pieces.

"They are letting us know it's morning." her mother replied.

I had to smile at her mother's response. :)

 

1. Understanding the Art of Forgiveness

It didn't take me long to realize that I had been drifting away from my everyday rituals for quite sometime now. The routine I had set for myself, knowingly or unknowingly. Sidetracking from the routine eventually led to sidetracking from my goal and finally resulted in forgetting the goal all together.

I don't know. It's just, he's so passionate about so many different things. I just don't get that way. Do you?
- Penny (The Big Bang Theory S06E21)

Not being passionate about a single thing, forget 'so many different things', can be difficult than it seems to be. Imagine walking in a desert in a straight line. Now imagine walking in a desert in circles. It's more likely that you will reach somewhere in the first case while in the latter case you are sure to reach no where. This is what feels like to have had no passion at all.

See? I wish I had some of that fire in my life. I mean, I want to care about things and get excited like you guys.
- Penny (The Big Bang Theory S06E21)

After giving a much thought about it, I have decided to follow a set of instructions that I have developed myself over a period of time to get myself back on track. The very first thing I have decided to do is forgive everyone.

Holding grudges with lot of people who were directly and indirectly involved in hurting me has worked against me. So I decide to forgive each one of them individually. The first thing I intend to do is: write down their names.