19. The Story of a Wanderer

An artist. A dancer.

Her sketches portray hard work. With her perfect detailing, she gives off an impression of a perfectionist and she is synonymous to patience. When she dances, she makes me want to be a dancer myself. She looks happy when she dances. I have always wanted to be happy like that.

A confused being with questions on her mind. Questions, she doesn't know where she can find answers of. A broken heart which is still to be mended, hidden behind beautiful smiles. A voice that wants to be listened. A girl who is too afraid to dream.

I listen to her stories of friendship, happiness, love and sadness. She teaches me patience. She teaches me the secret to happy life and healthy relationships. She is mastering the art of living and seems to be oblivious about the achievement.

One thing which stroked me most about her is her quest to find herself. She was in search of spirituality. She was looking for herself and not the supernatural bodies, behind the pages of holy books. She was as confused as each one of us about her existence. She had questions and she was making attempts to find answers to them.

She isn't as much a perfectionist as I thought she was. She has changed my idea of taking my time to do things perfectly. Putting the work out there as soon as possible without compromising on hard work is one thing I want learn from her. This discovery also earned her respect from my side because her perseverance has already taught her to put up a top class output efficiently.

Despite what she is capable of I could see the fear radiating through her eyes. The fear looked similar to uncertainty. She was deprived of trying to do new things all her life so much that she feared whether she was doing the right thing. She tags along like the perfect sidekick as one could be but fails to see her potentiality of becoming the leader herself.

And where all the world might seem far ahead of her, she is catching up. Even though she started late, she is catching up to surpass everyone who stands in front of her and her next project. The project is her next big thing. She isn't much of a dreamer as she is the realist. And with her every new big project she is conquering the world around her.

She is as difficult as I make her sound. She is like a tangled earpiece. One would have to make an effort to untangle but she was worth the hassle. I am taking my time with her, myself. I quietly observe her from afar, afraid I am going to break her balance if I push her too hard.

18. Wisely Choose Your Idol

Ever happened that you finally decide to look up to someone, name them your idol and one day they insult you in front of strangers, tear down all what is left of your confidence and smile at you like nothing has happened?
I am not about hard love. I can never look back at you the same way and I find it disturbing how you set my impression in front of those strangers. It's particularly disturbing how I wasn't at fault and the amount of influence you had on those strangers is going to change my impression on them as well.
I will never forgive you for all the time I spent on my room regretting trying to change, to get along with people. I will not be able to get inspired by others the same way because I am going to remember this very time being inspired by you has cost me regret and self doubt.
Your one insult has made me realize how I was right all along. How I shouldn't have changed, never talked to new people and let me be on my own. Not trying at all. I hate how much I didn't want to be right.
After what you did to me, the one person I see most at fault is myself. I shouldn't have regarded you as an angel. I don't think it was right of me to listen to your advice. I guess, I was too naive. I never thought you could do any wrong to me. I was blinded by your confidence and charisma. Maybe your sweet talk made me feel good. Your remarks on my work made them feel worthy of my time. Maybe I was getting carried away by your charm and politeness.
I was mistaken to believe that you were perfect and you meant no harm to me or my mental health. But all these beliefs have led me to this immense pain I feel inside of me right now. Months have passed by but I am unsure about myself. I am not sure if my work is any good anymore. I miss you at times. I miss how I could ask you for advice when it came to my work. I miss the person I thought you were.
But more than what I miss, I struggle with forgiveness. I struggle to forget. Neither has been kind to me so far. Your words pinches my heart every time I think of it. My eyes were filled with tears then. They still do now.
So, don't be surprised when I don't smile back anymore. Hurt has affected me and pierced my heart in the most ugly way possible. But I wish you well in all your endeavors. I see you changing people's life, everyday which makes me happy. You have changed mine too but I see myself as your failed project.