10. Falling in Hate

Love and hate, I believe are the strongest emotions and I try to keep my distance with both of them. Handling both these emotions would require a lot of hard work and I am just not ready and don't have the kind of energy they demand. I have often been confused and considered as a person with cold heart for the same reason. I don't complain.

For me, when I say, I stay away from hate I mean from the both sides. I try not to give much attention to people who hate me and at the same time I try to remain within the comfortable zone which I refer to as the positive space. Positive space helps me not hate someone even if I feel strongly (bad) about them.

I am not lying when I say I have never hated anyone before in my entire life. Recently though the negative emotions have taken over my positive space and I am starting to feel hate towards certain someone. This is all very interesting to me and I have found out intriguing facts about hate.

Loving and hating someone for the first time feels so much similar. I go through all the confusion. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act around the person. I can't concentrate on what I am doing or what I am supposed to be doing. It's so difficult and this makes my life only miserable. Like I said I have realized it's very similar to falling in love for the first time.

I had always guessed but I never knew for certain that hating required this lot of energy and I am actually amazed thinking about the people who have so much hate within themselves. Constantly criticizing, commenting and putting their nose into someone else's business. Seriously, hats off to them. It is indeed very difficult and I know it now. I know the amount of energy that's required to hate someone. I am sorry, it's wasted on something so useless. But well, who am I to judge?

For me? I am still in the phase of hate where I am trying to figure things out. I am trying to do the right thing and to some level I think I am embracing this new emotion I have come across. I am trying to make the best out of it because who knows how long it's going to last and who knows whether or not I am going to feel this emotion again. I am letting myself enjoy it while it's still there.