Ever happened that you finally decide to look up to someone, name them your idol and one day they insult you in front of strangers, tear down all what is left of your confidence and smile at you like nothing has happened?
I am not about hard love. I can never look back at you the same way and I find it disturbing how you set my impression in front of those strangers. It's particularly disturbing how I wasn't at fault and the amount of influence you had on those strangers is going to change my impression on them as well.
I will never forgive you for all the time I spent on my room regretting trying to change, to get along with people. I will not be able to get inspired by others the same way because I am going to remember this very time being inspired by you has cost me regret and self doubt.
Your one insult has made me realize how I was right all along. How I shouldn't have changed, never talked to new people and let me be on my own. Not trying at all. I hate how much I didn't want to be right.
After what you did to me, the one person I see most at fault is myself. I shouldn't have regarded you as an angel. I don't think it was right of me to listen to your advice. I guess, I was too naive. I never thought you could do any wrong to me. I was blinded by your confidence and charisma. Maybe your sweet talk made me feel good. Your remarks on my work made them feel worthy of my time. Maybe I was getting carried away by your charm and politeness.
I was mistaken to believe that you were perfect and you meant no harm to me or my mental health. But all these beliefs have led me to this immense pain I feel inside of me right now. Months have passed by but I am unsure about myself. I am not sure if my work is any good anymore. I miss you at times. I miss how I could ask you for advice when it came to my work. I miss the person I thought you were.
But more than what I miss, I struggle with forgiveness. I struggle to forget. Neither has been kind to me so far. Your words pinches my heart every time I think of it. My eyes were filled with tears then. They still do now.
So, don't be surprised when I don't smile back anymore. Hurt has affected me and pierced my heart in the most ugly way possible. But I wish you well in all your endeavors. I see you changing people's life, everyday which makes me happy. You have changed mine too but I see myself as your failed project.
I am not about hard love. I can never look back at you the same way and I find it disturbing how you set my impression in front of those strangers. It's particularly disturbing how I wasn't at fault and the amount of influence you had on those strangers is going to change my impression on them as well.
I will never forgive you for all the time I spent on my room regretting trying to change, to get along with people. I will not be able to get inspired by others the same way because I am going to remember this very time being inspired by you has cost me regret and self doubt.
Your one insult has made me realize how I was right all along. How I shouldn't have changed, never talked to new people and let me be on my own. Not trying at all. I hate how much I didn't want to be right.
After what you did to me, the one person I see most at fault is myself. I shouldn't have regarded you as an angel. I don't think it was right of me to listen to your advice. I guess, I was too naive. I never thought you could do any wrong to me. I was blinded by your confidence and charisma. Maybe your sweet talk made me feel good. Your remarks on my work made them feel worthy of my time. Maybe I was getting carried away by your charm and politeness.
I was mistaken to believe that you were perfect and you meant no harm to me or my mental health. But all these beliefs have led me to this immense pain I feel inside of me right now. Months have passed by but I am unsure about myself. I am not sure if my work is any good anymore. I miss you at times. I miss how I could ask you for advice when it came to my work. I miss the person I thought you were.
But more than what I miss, I struggle with forgiveness. I struggle to forget. Neither has been kind to me so far. Your words pinches my heart every time I think of it. My eyes were filled with tears then. They still do now.
So, don't be surprised when I don't smile back anymore. Hurt has affected me and pierced my heart in the most ugly way possible. But I wish you well in all your endeavors. I see you changing people's life, everyday which makes me happy. You have changed mine too but I see myself as your failed project.
This post is touching and relate things alot wid importance podium theory ! I have been reading your blog all posts ,I felt this is the best I found,simply beautiful !!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am glad you liked it. :)
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