27. Humanizing God

I have tried meditating. I have tried fasting. I have tried being a positive person. I have read books on positivity. I have watched Ted talks videos on achievement, success and motivation but everything together hasn't made me a calm-positive person, I aspire to be. 

I frequently get irritated. I have mood swings. I am opposite of calm and I wouldn't brag myself to be the positive person even though I try hard to stay away from the negativity. 

I wasn't expecting much when I grabbed the book Siddhartha. The major agenda was to learn something or anything about Buddha. The previous book I had read about Buddhism had left me more confused about the dharma. So, this was my second attempt to find answers to the questions. If you ask me honestly, I don't even know what the questions were. Like everyone else, I want to be more organized, get my things done in time, work hard to achieve something worthwhile. The expectation is limited to change and I wasn't sure if these motives were even mildly related to the book. 

I like when the writer treat their characters as humans. When the characters feel what I feel, think what I think and act the way I would. At least in the human level. What intrigued me most about Siddhartha is this very style of writing. Hesse throughout the book treats Buddha as a human, as Siddhartha and initially, it messes up with my head and leaves me confused. Isn't Buddha god? Isn't Buddha supposed to be perfect? I would find myself asking in between various chapters. Hesse however never backs down when he has to treat Buddha in most human way possible. He showcases Siddhartha's flaws in an authentic manner.

As a Nepali, I have always been around Buddhism and Hinduism together. Buddha was always different from the Hindu gods. He didn't have dozen of hands, he didn't use any animal as mode of transportation. But I had also never imagined Buddha to be lost in the veil of Maya.

This is exactly when I found the hole in my learning. The only thing what made Siddhartha Buddha was his experiences. But when we talk about Buddha we seem to be skip and hurry into the part of enlightenment. We completely forget to talk about his experiences. He experienced heartbreak, he experienced departure, he experienced failure. He failed to stick to the routine (something we can all relate to), he was driven by lust and distress and he was not perfect.

I grew up knowing the Siddhartha who was calm and rational who had inherent characters of Buddha but as I kept reading the book, "anyone can be Buddha" made more sense. Buddha as I understood later was a process that was accumulated with plenty of experiences (good and bad), failures and mistakes. Everyone can indeed be Buddha. 

Siddhartha took decades to become who he was and his stories had lot of holes like all of our own stories He was confused for several decades before he could get back to his real purpose in life. I was drawn to Siddhartha by his imperfection. I was delighted by his courage to accept every experience. I was inspired by his unapologetic nature.

Major takeaway? Buddha is wisdom recycled.